I Want to Punch the TD Ameritrade Commercial Guy in the Beard

If you watch a lot of television, especially CNN, as I do, then you know the bearded TD Ameritrade douchebag. He patronizes women, telling them that their life savings is a fortune (….to them, filthy peasants). He therapizes stay-at-home moms condescendingly and, I assume fraudulently, because who the hell is a financial therapist, you creeper? And he does it all while talking out of his pervert beard. I hate that beard. I really want to punch him in it.

Since I can’t do that since that would mostly mean punching my TV which might then weeble-wobble right off the table and break forever, I have developed a solution. I give you, the TD Ameritrade Creeper Beard Dartboard!

TD Ameritrade Ad Beard Dartboard.jpg

Rules: Play darts as you normally would, but you get 50 points if you hit him in the beard.


    1. Dear Melania,

      My poor television set totally agrees with your anti-violence stance, and encourages all to play more darts. Glad you find him hot, I mean, to each her own, but to me, he’ll always be a creeper who secretly lives in a van.


  1. Ha, feel the same, will never use Ameritrade because of their Marketing department turned me off so much with all of these commercials talking to everybody (and the viewer) like they’re idiots.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear John,

      I completely agree and caution the public never to trust a pervert-bearded financial advisor who invites them into a billiards den / beaver trap, and then asks the ladies to show him their “golf swings”. Wink, wink. I will, however, point out that there are no points in darts for hitting the beard dartboard with a golf club like I would like to do.


  2. No! I wanted to find out the Ameritrade actors name because he is so GREAT , I’m amazed anyone would criticize him. For me he seems genuinely smart, understanding and helpful.


    1. I think I understand the problem: I believe the beard has some hypnotizing properties for some portion of the population. The problem is that he is but an actor, and not actually a financial guru of any sort. So while his beard may be quite hypnotic and enticing, please remember that he is only parroting lines that are, presumably, fed to him by the two cockroaches living in his beard.

      Your support and praise does come to the relief of his beard cockroaches, who are grateful to have at least a few people not throwing darts at an effigy of their bristly home.

      Liked by 1 person

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